The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is a widely respected and research-based approach to relationship counselling developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It's grounded in over 40 years of scientific research on what makes relationships succeed or fail.

The goal is to help couples build a “Sound Relationship House”—a strong, stable relationship based on trust, commitment, and healthy habits of interaction. This is the foundational structure of the Gottman Method, consisting of 9 key components:

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1 Build Love Maps

Get to know each other deeply (dreams, fears, history, preferences).
Develop a strong emotional connection by being curious and attentive.

3 Turn Towards Instead of Away

Respond to each other’s bids for attention, affection, and support.
Small daily moments of connection matter a lot.

2 Share Fondness and Admiration

Express appreciation and respect.
Shift focus away from criticism to positive reinforcement.

4 Maintain A Positive Perspective

Focus on problem-solving with optimism and goodwill.
Don’t let negativity dominate your view of your partner.

5 Manage Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, but it should be constructive.
Learn to:
Accept influence
Use gentle start-up (not harsh)
Self-soothe during arguments
Repair and de-escalate when things get heated

7 Create Shared Meaning

Build a sense of “us”—rituals, values, goals, and culture within the relationship.

6 Make Life Dreams Come True

Support each other’s goals, hopes, and aspirations.
Encourage each other’s individuality and purpose.

8 Trust and Commitment

Trust = “My partner has my back.”
Commitment = Choosing each other every day, even when it's hard.

Studies show the Gottman Method can significantly improve relationship satisfaction, reduce conflict, and prevent relapse into negative patterns—especially when both partners are committed to doing the work.